Wednesday, May 29, 2024

A Software Programmer’s Christmas Poem

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Sara Chipps is a software programmer specializing in ASP.NET/C#/SQL. Her blog is GirlDeveloper. This is her ode to the holiday season:

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
not a widget would function
not even a mouse

You would say “restart”
but you don’t think they’d care
because they know it’s the holidays
and you’ll soon be there

They were probably sleeping all smug in their beds
While palms, printers, and ipods danced in their heads
It was most likely a Saturday in sweats and a cap
When they went to the Best Buy and bought all this crap

You can see it in your head, almost hear the chatter
“We can call you-know who, they’ll know what’s the matter”
“They set up my printer and updated Flash”
“Emptied temp folders and cleaned out my Cache”

“Defragged my harddrive when it started too slow”
“Installed Illustrator on my Mac Book Pro”
“We’re having troubles, but the solution is clear”
“We’ll ask them to fix it, just like last year”

You will take a look, but you warn t’will be quick
You’ll check out the cables, perhaps a few clicks
and just when you thought compatibility was to blame
you learned the drivers for Vista and XP were exactly the same

So you added ClamWin and cancelled their Norton
Because you have your beliefs and open source is important
You can hear the sound of good times in the hall
While you sit at their PC egg nog and all

Then you roll your eyes and look at the sky
when you realize those kids down at Best Buy
Made a big gaffe, no, rather, a goof
when giving them hardware did not ask for proof

That their systems could handle a graphic heavy UI
So their desktop did slow, nary did die
You thought “This is crazy would it be so hard?”
“To give them an upgraded video card?”

Triumphant you emerge hands rubbing your eyes
You hadn’t worked this late since last release nigh’
The irony to the story you can’t help but wonder
How they confused you for a tech, an obvious blunder

You always did tell them “I write applications”
Not “I troubleshoot and fix employee workstations”
But it’s Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever the party
and you’re not going to quibble about something foolhardy

So when your friends and family make their demands
Throwing their keyboards in your tired hands
Remember you love them, put your working knowledge to use
Because it’s only one time each year you tolerate this abuse

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